Don’t know how to fry an egg? Or boil, poach, scramble and make an omelette out of it? Then you probably don’t even know how a kitchen looks like.
Let’s start with the very basics, this is an egg 👇
And here’s how to cook it:
- Boil water in a small pot/saucepan
- Carefully, as in with extremely fucking delicate manners, place the egg in the water
- Now count:
- 10 minutes for a hard boiled egg
- 8 minutes for a soft boiled egg
- 6 minutes for a runny yolk
- To break the shell just tap it to a table and roll it as if you were doing clay spaghettis
- Heat a non-stick pan with olive oil or coconut oil
- Crack an egg directly to the pan and keep the heat medium-high
- To cook the top of the egg you have three options:
- Carefully flip the egg and cook the top for about 30 seconds
- Splash the top with hot oil
- Put a lid on the pan and the steam will cook the top just enough
- For this method we want to heat water just to a very light simmer
- Take the freshest egg you can and crack it into a bowl
- With a spatula, spoon or whatever you like, spin the water quickly and when the momentum is going, put the egg in the middle of the vortex
- Remove it after 3 minutes and dry it a little bit
- Heat a pan to a medium heat with your favourite oil
- Crack 2 or 3 eggs, whisk them and season with a little bit of salt
- Pour the mixture to the pan and as soon as it starts cooking push the edges towards the centre so the liquid egg can fill those spaces
- When the eggs are still moist (shiny) but not liquid anymore, you can fold the omelette in half or roll it to one side. If you like it creamy remove it from the pan immediately because the heat will finish the cooking. If you like it well cooked or golden on the outside leave it a little bit longer.
- Preheat a non-stick pan to a low heat with butter/oil
- Crack, beat and season 2 or 3 eggs in a bowl
- Pour the eggs onto the pan and stir them almost constantly. The heat has to be very low, so low that you think they’re not getting cooked at all
- After a minute or so, you’ll see that the egg’s starting to solidify. Keep stirring until all the liquid has become creamy and you see small bits of egg cooked (maybe 2 minutes later)
- Serve the scrambled eggs immediately
Great, you’ve read it all and learned absolutely nothing! Now go and practice yourself cause it’s the only fucking way you’ll be able to learn how to cook.
The Fucking Chef
#Realtalk this site is fucking awesome. I ❤️ you. I hate cooking though. At least I can enjoy myself while dying in the kitchen.
The Fucking Chef
You can just read it like a magazine and not cook at all. But don’t fucking starve to death… please.