A decent pasta bolognese

It’s time to upgrade your depressive pasta with tomato purée to the next level.

1. Bring some water to boil and when it does, add the pasta to it. Spaghetti, fusilli, penne, tagliatelle… I don’t fucking care, but make it wholewheat so your sexy body can absorb all its vitamins and nutrients. 
2. Boil it for the time written in the package and stir occasionally. There’s no one-time-fits-all when cooking pasta but when in doubt taste it frequently until you like the texture. Once it’s done, rinse it. 
3. Meanwhile peel and grate some tomatoes (or grab some tomato passata), dice an onion and a clove of garlic if you don’t have to kiss anyone later. In a hot pan with a thin layer of oil, turn the heat down and add the onion and a pinch of salt. 
4. Let it cook for 5 to 10 minutes but DON’T FUCKING BURN IT!! Add a splash of water if the onion is getting dark too quickly. 
5. Add the garlic, the tomatoes and if you want a softer sauce add a bit of milk to it. Let it cook for 2 – 5 minutes more. 
6. Add mince meat and cook it until it becomes brown. 
7. Mix the pasta with the sauce, add salt to taste, oregano and grated parmesan if you feel like it. 

FUCKING TIP #1: Adding a splash of olive oil to the boiling water or to the pasta when it’s rinsed will prevent pasta from sticking to each other.

FUCKING TIP #2: If you have enough time and patience, use this recipe as the base for your bolognese and you’ll get a tongue orgasm once you taste it.

Chef